It’s not like there’s anything wrong per say. It’s not like he’s done anything wrong, yet I find myself getting distant and unwilling to be around him. Limey is great, he really is and I should be thrilled to be spending the week with him as I haven’t seen him for weeks and yet I’m annoyed.
He got back yesterday and I got in on Sunday after being on Holiday. We’re staying at a friends flat, just the two of us, with the whole place to ourselves for the next few days. I should be thrilled. No interruptions to worry about or course work, just time for the two of us to hang out. But I’m getting annoyed. Little things that don’t usually annoy me, are now. I’m being short and critical and I know he doesn’t deserve that. He’s done nothing but be wonderful. Maybe it’s the fact that we are sort of living together for the next few days and it’s a bit too domestic for comfort. I do really care for him and am very happy with him, but for some reason right now I feel like running. Any advice?
~Jasmine
This song basically summarizes what I think is happening. The exact lyrics may not apply, but the idea of the song does. You’ve never really been with anyone who’s a total sweetheart for as long as I’ve known you. He seems like a really great guy from what I’ve heard, but from everything you’ve said there doesn’t seem to be that fire you usually go for in a guy. There’s nothing wrong with that, that’s just how you are when it comes to guys; you like the challenge. Unfortunately, that generally comes with asshole attachments.
As for advice, there are two things I can think of.
First, I think you’re probably scared. As far as I know every guy you’ve been with since I’ve known you that you have allowed yourself to care for ends up really hurting you. You tend to be a guarded person as is, so maybe the idea of letting this become “domestic” and letting yourself love him is frightening since its always ended badly in the past? Maybe you see him enjoying the closeness you to can have right now and that makes you want to run so you can’t allow yourself to enjoy this.
Also, the thing about the post that sticks out to me (if we want to go with literary analysis) is that you say you care for him. Not that you like him, or that you could grow to love him, but you care for him… Don’t you care for me? For Ariel, and Snow White, and Mulan? For your mother? Perhaps I shouldn’t read into this, but generally saying you care for some stamps a giant PLATONIC on the box.
I think you should take some time to really think about what you like about him, and if you like those things in a romantic sense or just because he’s good at them. Maybe he’s your type of guy and you could bond really intimately with him, or maybe he’s an awesome friend that you just enjoy as a bed partner. I can’t tell you that, neither can he. Only you will really know.
Ultimately, I love you. Don’t freak out over 3 days of domestication… this isn’t a marriage license darling. Relax, and try to enjoy yourself.
-Cinderella
I second what Cinderella says. You are either running away because you are scared or you two don’t have that spark there. I also agree that caring for someone is not how I would describe my feelings for a guy that I was dating. It may have just been the first word that came to mind but it doesn’t sound passionate, which is more of what you go for. Do what Cinderella says and just think this over and try to enjoy your days together now.
-Ariel